If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
