The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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