ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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