and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
