Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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