You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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