I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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