I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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