i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
