: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
