Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
