these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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