Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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