yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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