Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
