I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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