Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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