will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
