sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
