um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
