the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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