THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
