wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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