he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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