the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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