WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
