All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
