real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
