Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
