I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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