The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
