Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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