We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
