Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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