Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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