dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
