I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In America we eat man semen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
