Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Congratulations! We have a period
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
