I met the friendliest cop last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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