I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
