Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
