She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
