peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
