Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
