end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
