Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
