My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
