Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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