i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
