one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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