The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
