If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
