put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
