You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
