i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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